The Visa saga-part 1

Where to begin?
I was told to head out to the Nigerian High Commission in Pretoria with the paperwork-a large stack of application forms, uni certificates, all sorts of department of the Interiors stuff I was given and all manner of other wasted trees-all in all 42 pages.
D, one of the expats told me to get the single entry business visa ( although the application form says STR visa) for 1 month and all else would be done by my new employer once in Lagos. The cost would be R 490.
Okay, so my 'moral support sista and me leave Jo'burg at around 9 am and get to Pretoria, which is a complete mystery to me regarding navigation, at 10 am.
The offices officially open each day at 10 am.
There is no-one there and we are told to wait.
About 30 minutes later the gates are open by one C, a young lady who leads us to a pokey office at the BACK of the High Commission building. No entry into the grand old mansion at the front door for us commoners.
She proceeds to disappear into the back of the side passage and leaves us in the waiting area without acknowledging our presence much.
Oh my, this is not starting off well. I'm already getting hot under the collar.
Some time later she re-appears, now in her cubicle type office divided by a glass window with a pidgeon hole in it and proceeds to get her cellphone messages.
Eventually I hand over the paperwork and explain my needs to her. She fingers through the pages and says that this is a STR application and I need to pay R 6000 repatriation fee for this.
We leave and get back into the car where I make a phone call to D who says I must get the single entry 1 month visa for R490.
I go back and say...
No,no, I just want the visa for R 490...
And hand over R 500 wishing to pay for this. She goes, no, no, you have to pay this at Standard Bank. I say, okay can I have the account number and direction to the nearest Standard Bank please.
She goes: Do you have a piece of paper and a pen?
Oh, I forgot to say there is nothing in her office other than a phone and a Bible ...make of that what you will.
Right...
We get back into the car, get directions and find the Standard Bank where I pay the R 490 into their account (hey, if you want the account number to make a donation for some writing paper, pens and perhaps a computer, so the lovely C can do some work-just let me know)and head back to the High Commission where there are now 2 more people waiting in an empty office backroom.
Did I tell you how filthy the place is? My morally-supporting-me-sista turns an African oil painting right way up, which is resting on a shelf thing.
Eventually it is my turn again, I hand over the papers, the deposit slip and am told that the visa will be ready in 2 weeks. Hang on-I'm leaving next week Friday!
But D said with a gift? of R 300 I can get an 'Express' visa.
So, I go: I'm needing this visa 'same day' so can I pay an extra R 300 and get it expedited? Yes, that's fine-in cash please.
Now, we do take money in cash. I receive the receipt for the original R 490, NOT the R 300 and am told to wait.
Hmmmh, by that time it's about noon and we are starting to get thirsty, hungry and grumpy.
I ask if the High Commissioner is here-she says, no- when is he expected?- I don't know if he will be here today or what time he will arrive.
Hah! I have his number!
I phone him and he tells me he's on his way.
We wait.
And wait.
People come and go-most are sent away. The strategy appears to be to find something that is missing or incomplete or we simply make up a new rule.
We wait.
And wait.
C comes and goes, gets her cellphone messages.
We wait.
Others mostly go.
It is now 2pm and there is a stack of passports and paperwork on the floor-mine is on the top!
The commissioner is finally in the house.
2.30-C comes and picks up the stack of passports and paperwork-I find it later in an empty office adjoining this one through the window when I'm having my 40est smoke-I now using nicotine medicinally to curb the hunger and thirst.

To continue shortly.